Tuesday, 16 July 2019

Electrocution Lessons

She used to be confused
‘bout the bucket of used fuses
she was forced
by her form-master,
to carry on her head.

When she saw
the electric core
of his gymnasium floor;
Man! She did her homework.
Oh boy! And she read.

She was live to this earth, so
She amped up the ante;
three phased the in flagrante,
and watt smiled, as he fried,
at her plimsolls made of lead.

Monday, 15 July 2019

The Miner’s Rest

From the Miner’s Rest
Where the rays flay your
City limbs best
The swallowing view
Of grass carpets ‘neath
Rolled gold
In a sky blue suit
Our eyes march as
Penguins look on
In convivial persuit
Draw yourself a red balloon
Fill your pencil full of lead
Where troubles beware
In the vista
The glare
Replenish your luck
Where valleys
Ramble on
Churches rest
Like swans’

Day Out

The lady on
The radio
Is right pleased
With her plug

She courts this
Mass participation sport
Retail runs
A common thread to bear
In this
Fifty first
State of affairs
Effusing the illusion
That this
Is some day out

She runs coach trips
To the world’s
Largest Primark
From Doncaster
To Brum

You can bag it
For a score
Keep the receipt
In case you
Change your mind you
Can’t  bear
What we’ve

Sunday, 14 July 2019

Magpie Cider

Magpie Cider*

There’s the fat fruit farmer
There are fruit flies
There is fruit

Kick an apple in black and white
And unite to quarry
Branch and root

(*Serve with a variety of reformed meats)

Friday, 12 July 2019

Heated Rollers

Rumour has it
Has half-inched the ice bucket
There’ll be no oyster party
No biscotti
No coffee
Not very soothing
Is it?

Added heat

As the sheepskin preachers
Bless their balls
The treads of strippers’ slippers
Bite like summer hornets
And cornets fanfare
A bit too sharp
A bit too picky

As the farmer’s hands
Make hay with
Unseemly dreams
Of Rene stir sweet
And creamy
In cups the size of
That take the

As the dockers ask
Stick of rock cock?
Their carved visages
Blisters on the vista
Guarding the coal shed
Double locked and

As the haze
Glazes these chickens
Down the road
The load of the situation
Becomes like buns
Soft and

Thursday, 27 June 2019

Barbed Wire

The barbed
Wire salesman,
Approached the
‘Lighter than air,
Stronger than whisky,
Cheaper than dust.’

For keeping
Cattle from
Other cattle.
In wild western
Spiked steel they trust.

In the Somme they
Thrust upon.
On the prison wall,
On the railway bridge,
In camps,
Where heads and souls
Are bust;
‘Lighter than air
Stronger than whisky
Cheaper than dust’

Head Office

Close by
Carriage C
Chris calling
Clinton Cards
Head office
Can’t corral

If the branch
Has no power
They aren’t trading
Pounds per hour
This quarter
Chris wonders
If these people
Ought to
Have power
Robotic semiotics
At the
Counter productive
Calls conclusion
With a “Fucks sake”
And pounds
The empty seat in front